He tried to reject what his mind was telling him but found this was impossible. No matter what he did, no matter where he tried to direct his attention, he couldn’t escape what his mind was telling him.
And inexorably he knew it was undermining everything about him that kept him attached to the world, to normality, to sanity.
He was seeing the end of everything before his eyes and he desperately needed a way to stop his mind keeping his gaze upon it but it was impossible, every diversion from that vision was diverted immediately back.
It was worst in his dreams. There his mind took absolute control. He writhed, bathed in sweat, tortured into confronting the truth, directed and redirected constantly to face it. He felt his health diminish with every tortured, ever-deeper view of the oncoming end his mind showed him.
It was of course his own determination to discover the truth and find a way to make things right that had brought this upon him. It was by his hand he had done this to himself. By caring far, far too much about things that he had no possible ability to control yet hungered ceaselessly to. Now he was at the end of this entire process and it horrified him and shook his whole being to the core. And his mind took him to it again and again and again each time shaking more life, energy and well being from him.
He knew he was sick but he also knew there was no cure. The complete vision he saw before him was what he had unknowingly sought for so many years. It had come suddenly, unexpectedly. He had had no idea even days before that this would be the result. Until it occurred to him he had been confident the situation could be saved, that the great powers he believed in would win out, turn things around and a new world would be born. But he realised now in this terrible moment that he had been wrong.
It was not going to be okay. Nothing was going to be alright. Everything, or almost everything, was going to be destroyed.
It was game over.